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So you never have to be stuck with blue balls from a tinder fuck, instabang, or snap fuck again. The problem was threefold. Firstly, the proximity of the genitals to the stomach meant that the former would be warmed by the food or wine contained in the latter, providing the heat that defined the male body, and was necessary for the production of semen.

Secondly, semen was thought to be the product of completely digested food, with nourishing foods such as meat and eggs especially conducive to its production. Finally, certain windy foodstuffs including beans produced an excess of flatulence, which in turn produced an erection. Taken together, these factors made overindulgence at the table a real problem for priests.

The salacious Middle Ages

Numerous medieval writers told tales of monks who ate too well, and consequently experienced a violent desire for sex, along with almost continuous emissions of semen. On the other hand, knowledge is power, and religious men could use fasting as a practical strategy to protect themselves from the health risks posed by clerical celibacy.

Salted fish, vegetables in vinegar, and cold water were thought to be particularly suitable foods for monks. Although the most famous cases of death by celibacy relate to male clerics, women were, in their own way, equally vulnerable to this medical problem.

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According to contemporary medical theory, both sexes produced seed that was necessary for conception — and just like semen, the female seed needed to be expelled from the body during regular sexual intercourse. In a woman who was not sexually active, the seed would be retained within her body; as it built up, it would cause suffocation of the womb.

The symptoms of this condition included fainting and shortness of breath, and in the most serious cases it could be fatal. If this was not possible, there were a range of useful remedies, including restricted diets and vinegar suppositories. Some physicians, however, recommended a rather startling alternative: masturbation.

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On the other hand, masturbation was usually placed towards the bottom of the hierarchy of sexual sins, and confessors were permitted to make some allowance for those including unmarried youths who lacked another outlet for their desires. Later medieval physicians were rarely as explicit as Galen and other ancients.

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Late medieval medical books rarely mentioned male masturbation. Such treatments were particularly suitable for women who were suffering from suffocation of the womb. If such a woman could not marry for example, because she was a nun , and if her life was in genuine danger, then genital massage might be the only solution, and could even be performed without sin.

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The view that female masturbation could prevent less socially acceptable forms of female sexual activity helped some medieval medical experts countenance it. As with sexual intercourse, masturbation was to be enjoyed in moderation.

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His autopsy revealed that his brain had shrunk to the size of a pomegranate, while his eyes had been destroyed. The manner of his death reflected one of the terrible realities of medieval life: sin was just one of many dangers associated with sex.

Prostitutes and their clients were thought to be at risk of contracting leprosy, a fearsome possibility for Arnaud and many others. This solution was as distasteful then as now.

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