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And I often oblige, despite my obligations, getting back on my hands and knees, my thumb and forefinger caressing the emergent things free, all of us rooting around for the light. So Christina, how does rooting around in a garden - how does that relate to freedom? CALA: Great question. Well, he gave me a few different definitions. GAY: One little definition of freedom I ll enjoy, which is wondering about joy with other people. CALA: So wondering about joy with other people. He also told me he thinks of freedom as freedom with.

So he was telling me about this community garden he s involved with. It s called the Bloomington Community Orchard. And so much communal work went into making this dream of a garden into reality. And after all of these hours - like, eight months worth of planning and planting - he told me about the very first day that it opened.

GAY: I can just remember it plain as day. When I was leaving that day, I was - you know, my eyes were welled up, and I was just so filled up. And I was so profoundly indebted to these people. The feeling is such love for these people that we did this for. And when I say these people, I mean, it s a lot of people. And, you know, all the potlucks, all the arguments, all the, you know, going to get limestone, all the, you know, talking about what kind of trees it s going to be, all the this and that, all of that and not agreeing on everything, but figuring out, like, we re trying to care for this thing that - and we don t quite know what it is, but it s beautiful and it s necessary - that actually felt like - I ve been thinking about it as joy, but I m also going to say I think maybe that was an experience of freedom.

But one other thing that I learned from reading his book again - cause I ve read it a few times - and from talking to him was sort of the freedom to be softer in the world. CALA: Yeah, it does. And Ross read me another beautiful essay about a delightfully vulnerable and soft thing that he sometimes does, which is when he puts coconut oil on his skin, all over his body.

GAY: When you watch yourself in the mirror, oiling yourself like this, wrapping your arms around yourself, jostling yourself a little, it is easy or easier to see yourself as a child and maybe even a child you really love. It is easy, if you decide it, which might be hard, to let the oiling be of the baby you. Or at least I thought so today, looking at myself, whom I am so often not nice to.

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But the baby you - you oil until he shines. CALA: Yeah, yeah, it really is. You know, I think it can be really difficult to be that kind to yourself, but maybe it can also be really freeing to love yourself that much and allow that much care.

And if you move through the world like that, you really do become softer and more open to things, more open to the heartbreak of, I don t know, loving a bee that lands on the flower nearby or, like, the really funny sounds your dog makes.

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And actually, Ross talked about this exercise he does with his students where he asks them, what s something beautiful you saw on your way to class, or something you loved this week?

So Karen, I want to ask you that. There is a nesting dove settled in the eaves over my garage door. And I go to check on her a couple times a day, and she s just there on her nest, looking down at me calmly.

And seeing her do her mama job kind of gives me a little jolt of quiet joy. What have you seen that gives you joy or that s beautiful to you? CALA: So I was camping this weekend, and on Saturday, we got to the beach at the dunes in Michigan just in time for the most beautiful sunset. And I just paused right there on the beach and got to watch all the colors change.

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And that brought me a lot of love, broke my heart open this weekend. CALA: Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. And you mustn t see me or own me or claim me or anything. I mean, even if you pass me on the street, you ll have to pass me by.

But this actually wasn t my pick. It s from our producer, Alyssa Jeong Perry. Hey, Alyssa. Yes, I do love romance, too. I definitely find chick lit, which is also known as modern romance fiction, to be my biggest escapism. Honestly, it has really gotten me through the pandemic, so I was super excited to talk to Helen Hoang. She s a romance novelist. It s about taking you out of your real life and letting you focus on different things and experience things that you don t in your real life.

I mean, we re talking about a biracial Vietnamese American man, Michael. This BAM falls in love with an awkward, quiet girl who is white. The heroine is named Stella, and she hires the BAM as an escort to teach her a few things. So OK, stay with me. It gets really hot and steamy.

I m glad you made the sacrifice. This book s a little too spicy. But back up, AJP. We should explain why Stella hires Michael in the first place. OK, so she has autism spectrum disorder and is a little bit socially awkward, so dating really isn t her forte.

But it s also why I think the book is so good. It really breaks the stigma of what a person with autism is supposed to be and do. Stella isn t the stereotype we often see portrayed, which is, you know, a robotic, unemotional woman. She really has complex, deep desires, which is something Helen, the author, began to understand as she wrote the book.

HOANG: I didn t even know about those expectations around autism because autism was still - it was kind of new to me. Send pictures or videos - or if you want more, you can also start a video chat. Use it on your smartphone You can use gydoo easily on your Android or iOS smartphone. Just use the latest browser on your device and you can start chatting straight without any registration. Shoot a profile picture and you are ready to meet a hot guy from around the world.

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Pamphilus, a freedman buried at Rome with his wife, Artoria Basilia. Also, I didn t know that the French ate hot dogs. And thanks to our right to freedom of speech, Karen, you are free to have that opinion that American hot dogs are better than French hot dogs. It wouldn t be right to just shout out a couple of colonizers independence days, you know what I mean? I mean, when you cover race, issues of freedom are part of the package, right?

And I wanted to sort of, like, push back on that. And, Karen, you asked the team all about their choices, so I m going to let you take it from here. Up first, we ve got a memoir. Our engagement editor, Natalie Escobar, chose this. Welcome, Natalie.

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And I think it s one that a lot of people are going to be able to relate to, especially after the last year and a half. It s about the freedom to control the space that you live in.

And since I moved just about a month ago, I ve been thinking about it a lot because I ve been trying to, you know, decorate and, like, create a space that really makes me feel calm, a place where I can work, a place where I can feel peaceful and, you know, read a book whenever I want to. I want tips. OK, Natalie. So what s your book? This one, just as you mentioned, is a memoir. So like me, little Sandra was a quiet, sensitive kid, you know, the only daughter of a Latino immigrant.

And all she wanted was to have some peace and quiet, you know, away from her brothers, away from her family, you know, because growing up, she said that starting in the wee hours of the morning, her entire house was filled with noise.

And I never could understand that about filling up the silence with electronic noise. I - you know, I had to have absolute quiet, and it forced me to go to bed after everyone else had gone to bed and to be a bit of a vampire as far as my schedule.

I did that because when you don t have a room of your own, you create a time of your own, a space of your own. She dreamt of having her own house, preferably a house with a window seat where she d be free to sit and think and write without being interrupted. And it wasn t always that I was writing or drawing or reading.

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Sometimes it was just being and being in the state of, you know, freefall, of peace. That s what I wanted. And, you know, my life was full of so many distractions and noise. I ve also always needed to have those quiet little spaces away from everyone else to think. When I was little and didn t have my own bedroom, I used to hide in the bathroom or in my mom s closet so I could sit and read just by myself.

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I was definitely like Sandra - staying up to read as late as I could without getting in trouble. And I needed that space to think my own thoughts and just begin to discover who I was away from my noisy family. So Natalie, we know that Sandra Cisneros wound up becoming a famous award-winning author.

Obviously, she was able to find some space to write. Did she finally find a house of her own? And what did it feel like? It was a hundred-year-old place in San Antonio, and she was in love. Who would have thought? And I m so glad there was a happy ending to her journey. There is a bit of a twist. At first, there were fireworks, and then there weren So eventually, she felt trapped by the house. So she sold it. You spend your whole life dreaming of a house, and you just up and sell it one day?

ESCOBAR: Laughter Yeah, well, she realized that what she had really wanted wasn t any particular house, but she had wanted the freedom to live in a place that inspired her and let her create.

But every once in a while, she goes back to visit her place in San Antonio. And like an ex, she s reminded of why she loved it and why she dumped it. And my house said to me, aren t you sorry you sold me? Look at me now. Don t you wish I was your house? And I said, no, it s very beautiful to look at you now.

You ve changed. You look different. I don t even want to see what you look like inside. But, you know, you were my love, and I let you go, and you blessed me, and I m happy to go move on. Ooh, that really spoke to me, Karen. You know I m about to make a very big move. And I am leaving a house that I love, the first house I ve ever bought and a community that I love, and I hope that is how I feel when I come back to visit the house.

Like, you were beautiful while we were together, but now I have moved on, and that s OK. That s giving me a lot of anxiety and making me want to cry. So I ll leave it there.

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But anyway, I appreciated this recommendation from Natalie very much For the reasons that I just said. Thank you, Natalie. All right, KGB, enough about me.